I Said A Prayer For You

This poem was written on a plaque that I gave to Tristan's birth mother. I liked it and think it applies to our situation!


I said a prayer for you today
And know God must have heard
I felt the answer in my heart
Although He spoke no word.

I didn't ask for wealth or fame
I knew you wouldn't mind.
I asked him to send treasures
Of a far more lasting kind!

I asked that he be near you
At the start of each new day;
To grant you health and blessings
And friends to share your way!

I asked for happiness for you
In all things great and small.
But it was His loving care
I prayed for most of all!

Infertile Myrtle

So, this is the story that kind of let up to adoption #3. After our emotional wait for Tristan, Bill has been hesitant to try the process again. I can't say that I blame him either! There were a few times that we thought it wouldn't happen and that was very stressful for us. Anyway, he knows that I have always dreamed of having 3 kids ever since I was little. Its been my magic number. He suggested trying fertility treatments again. I was open to the idea of trying again, and hoped for the best!

We met with a specialist a month later and started all the fun testing again. It has been about 7 years since we've done all of this kind of stuff. To rule out some options I had a laparoscopy done in March. We found out that I didn't have endometriosis like we were thinking, but my tubes were blocked. This was a pretty devastating diagnosis for me to get because there is really no way to clear them up! The doctors suggested IVF. No thanks!

I have never had the desire to do that. I started looking into natural ways that might help, but never really did anything about it. I hated all the feelings that crept back with infertility treatments. I had made peace with it so many years ago and I didn't want to go through all of this again.

There was a second that we though maybe a girl who had just given birth & might want to put her up for adoption. I told my friend (who is related to the girl) that if she doesn't think she'll keep her, Bill and I will take her! She decided to keep her. I certainly didn't get my hopes up about the baby since it was so quick, but it did open up a conversation about adoption! Bill and I decided that even though we are happy with Stella and Tristan, we would like to have one more to complete our family! We both felt good about our decision to put our papers in at this time and immediately called the caseworker that helped us last time. I finally felt at peace with everything that had happened over the past few months.

After Stella was born everyone said, "Just wait, now you'll get pregnant!" I always replied, "Nope, I don't think so! This is how we're suppose to have our family and I don't think I'll ever get pregnant." Ever since I was little I have wanted to adopt whether I had my own biological children or not! So naturally for me adoption was an easy choice. I have loved the way our children have come into our family and wouldn't change it for the world! I am hopeful that we will be blessed once again and look forward to adopting all over again! Thank goodness I'm an Infertile Myrtle!

Traditions

I have to admit we don't have a ton of family traditions. However, the few that we do have I truly enjoy and hope my kids will grow up having good memories of them as well. My family (Alicia)has dinner every other Sunday together. We rotate who's house we have it at and everyone brings something, but it is something we have done since my oldest brother got married and has continued since! We love to get together and have a good time. We are very involved in each other's lives and support one another.


I love holiday traditions! I tend to get excited for the holidays around August. I love everything about them! We have started a new tradition. For the past three years we get together with our neighbors, and favorite friends, for soup before going trick-or-treating. It gets us warm before going out in the cold weather. Our kids are the same age and are best friends, so it's always a lot of fun to get together.

Christmas Eve my parents would always give us new pajama's to wear. I loved that! It was something I would look forward to. Who doesn't love early presents??? Sometimes my mom would make them to match. Yes, she was that kind of mom. The one who likes to match her kids clothes. I do remember a beautiful white night gown she made for me when I was 5 or 6 years old. Just a few years ago my mom got everyone, even the adults, new pajamas. We couldn't resist changing and taking a few pictures. It was so much fun!


We would also draw names for Christmas and exchange those presents on Christmas Eve. Now days we spend Christmas Eve (my favorite day of the year) with my family. We usually have a big dinner, visit my nephew's grave and sing a few carols to him, then come back to my parents for presents and games. Christmas Day we spend the afternoon with Bill's family. We always have a big lunch and take turns watching each other open presents.

Every year we go camping with Bill's family at Fish Lake. That is where so many of his childhood memories stem from! He loves it there and we enjoy going as a family too.

Oh, How They Grow!

Now Tristan is 2 1/2 and Stella is over 5. It has been amazing watching Stella and Tristan become the little people that they are today! They have such a natural kinship with one another. They truly love each other and care about the other's happiness. Stella is such a mother hen to Tristan. The other day she actually buckled him into his car seat! That made me laugh! And he follows her around like a lost puppy. He does everything that she does and wants to be just like her. They are opposites in every way imaginable, but their differences are what make them who they are! We love each of them for their unique personalities and characteristics.

Stella is funny, sweet, kind, animated, and loving. She makes friends wherever she goes and only sees the good in others. I love that about her! I hope she will always have some of that innocence as she grows up and gets older. She has such a big heart!

Tristan is smart, passionate, persistent, and energetic. He is a busy boy and loves to try anything and everything. Once he gets his mind set on something he doesn't give up until he figures it out. This can be a blessing and a curse! I love his dedication, but he tends to get frustrated when he can't get it at first.

They both grow so fast that I can't believe already how quickly time goes by. Stella's in Kindergarten now and next year Tristan will be in pre-school. I make sure to savor every moment of it. It took us so long to get to this point and I never take it for granted! There is no where I would rather be than with my family!

About A Boy

In January 2007 we found out we would be welcoming a baby boy! He was born a month and a half after we'd found out. We had one face-to-face meeting with his birth mother before he was born. In the meantime we had exchanged emails on a regular basis. When we first met her she wanted to have a more closed adoption. She felt that would help her move on a little better. Of course would respect whatever her wishes were.

The wait wasn't quite as smooth sailing as it was for Stella. We were nervous about a couple of things, but thankfully our prayers were answered. We were honored to be in the delivery room when Tristan was born! He was healthy and beautiful! The next 24hours were the longest of my life. His birth mother was having second thoughts, and we had already begun to bond with Tristan. We had held him, gave him his first bottle, and loved him before he was born. Of course we could understand her having second thoughts! She had carried him and loved him for 9 months! But as an adoptive couple there is nothing scarier and more nerve wracking than those hours until the papers are signed.

The day after he was born our worker called and asked if we could meet her ASAP at the hospital. We left immediately. Tristan's birth mother had signed her papers just before we signed ours. We spent a few moments together one more time before she handed her to me. All of those emotions I had for Dellany almost three years before, I had once again for this amazing woman. I was glad this time I knew a little more what to expect. It certainly doesn't get any easier though! We took a few pictures then each went on our way.

Our families came over that night to meet our new little addition. Everyone was thrilled to have Tristan in our family after an emotional couple of months. We kept in close contact through email with Tristan's birth mother after that. She has expressed several times since placement how thankful she is to us for being ready for Tristan and how grateful she is for how everything had turned out.

About 6 months after Tristan was born we met with both of Tristan's birth parents for lunch. This was the first time we had seen his birth mom since placement, so we were excited to see her again. And this would be our first time meeting Tristan's birth dad. Tristan looked exactly like his birth dad, only a lighter version of him. We had a great time and have gotten together several times since. We see them about twice a year. They came to Tristan's blessing and we get together every year for Tristan's birthday. It's always a joyous occasion for us! His birth mom expressed that she would like to have our adoption be a little more open than we had discussed at our initial meeting. That was what we had always known and were comfortable with. We agreed and have loved getting to know both of Tristan's birth parents!

Getting Ready for Two

When Stella turned one we knew we quickly wanted to put our papers in for another baby. We knew it was time to move somewhere a little bigger so we could expand our family. We found a neighborhood that was starting to build. We picked a floor plan and started the home building process. We moved in with Bill's parents after selling our house. We lived there for about 4 months. It was strange moving in with our parents after being on our own for 5 1/2years, but it wasn't as hard as I had imagined. I know Stella liked seeing her grandparents everyday, and I think they enjoyed it quite a bit too!



It was exciting to see the progress of our home. This is where we would make all new memories and raise our family! We moved in a few days before Halloween in 2005 and finished our paperwork for a second adoption by the end of that year. It had been a great year!

Extended Family

We had Stella sealed to us on our 5 year anniversary. It was an amazing experience to be in the temple with her on such a special day! When the temple worker brought her in she had the biggest eyes and the rosiest cheeks. She looked around with such curiosity! I will never forget the expression on her face. My mom actually made her blessing dress which was quite a feat! She has an eye condition that makes it hard for her to keep her eyes open, especially in bright lights. I loved how her dress turned out and I'm forever grateful to her for making it.



By Christmas we had exchanged personal information, but hadn't talked except through letters. We received a fun package on our door from Dellany and her parents on Christmas Eve. I called and talked to her mom Christmas Day. We decided (without talking to Dellany since she was taking a nap at the time) to get together later that day. I was so excited to see them again! It had been over 7 months at this point. I just hoped it was going to be OK with Dellany. Luckily she was thrilled when we stopped by! I was happy to see her so happy to have the chance to see Stella again. We spent a few hours over there that night and loved every minute of it!



That was the beginning of an open adoption with them. These days we exchange emails, pictures and see each other several times a year. It has been a great experience and we consider her and her family as our own. We never imagined we'd have a relationship like this when we were filling out our paperwork. Every birth parent is different, and in this case it was healing for Dellany to see Stella again. I'm glad we made the trip to see her that day.

The Beginning of our Journey

Our little family officially started when we got married back in 1999, however, the real journey began May of 2004 when Stella was born. We had put our papers in with LDSFS and were ready to be looked at by December 2003. On April 21st we found out we were chosen by a wonderful birth mother, Dellany. A week later we had our first face-to-face meeting with her. Her parents came too! We were so nervous, excited, anxious, along with every other feeling! This being our first time around we didn't know what to expect. She was just as nervous (if not more) than we were. How could she not be? This was the biggest decision of her life and she wanted to make sure it was the right one. Her mom and I hit it off instantly! She was outgoing and fun. I felt like I was talking to my own mom. Dellany was pretty quiet the whole time, but that was OK with us. She let me touch her pregnant belly, which totally made my day! I couldn't believe my baby was so close! I couldn't wait till she was finally here!

My parents went to Hawaii a few days later. While they were gone Dellany went into labor. It was exactly a week after our first visit. The rules were pretty strict still when we adopted Stella, so I had to take gifts and flowers to the agency so they could deliver it to her at the hospital until she had signed her papers. Much to our surprise when we went to sign our papers with our worker we found out that Dellany had already signed her papers and would be able to pick up our new little girl a day earlier than planned!!! We were ecstatic!

Later that day we went to the hospital to pick up Stella. We sat and talked with Dellany and her parents for about an hour. It was wonderful! Stella was the prettiest girl I had ever seen! She was tiny and perfect. We gave Dellany some time alone with Stella for a little while before she handed her to us. When she did, I melted. This was the happiest day of my life. However, I have to admit my heart totally sank as Dellany left. I couldn't begin to imagine how difficult it must have been for her to hand her to me! That was by far one of the most emotional days of my life, and I was not at all prepared for that. Over the next few months we exchanged letters and gifts until we were able to release any personal information we felt comfortable with.

As for my parents... They had a little surprise waiting for them when they came home from their cruise! It was Mother's Day and we drove over to their house bright and early that day. They weren't expecting us to be there, but more than that, they weren't expecting Stella to be there! My parents reactions were priceless!!! My dad had to do a double take, then he chuckled as he saw the little pink princess on my lap. As for my mom, her reactions are the BEST! She saw her, collapsed, and bawled. It was the most memorable Mother's Day I may ever have!

Stella fit in perfectly into our family. Everyone fell in love with her at first sight, especially Bill and me. The transition from 2 to 3 was an easy one for us, and one that we had waited for for several years. We couldn't believe we finally had the chance to start a family!

Lately I've been thinking a lot about adoption and our experiences over the past 5 years. I think mostly because I wrote a book about going about how we became a family. I didn't realize how much I love writing and enjoy expressing myself through poetry. I have written several poems since I wrote my book. I'm trying to come up with enough poems of my own to replace the ones I put into my original book. I hear it's quite difficult and expensive to get copyright from the authors. I have to say I have been so lucky with both of my children to have such great experiences and I absolutely adore their birth parents!

Most people who have not been involved on either side of adoption can't fathom the idea of an open adoption, but I just tell them you never know until your in that position. Even when I was younger when I would think about my family I would always picture myself adopting a child. Maybe that's strange, but I think it was something that prepared me for what was to come. Never did I imagine adding such wonderful people into my family circle, my children's biological families. I love the way my children have come to me and can't imagine it being any different! Stella and Tristan are such a blessing and I thank God everyday that I get to be with them. They truly are the lights of my life!!! I have some final editing to do on "I Carried You In My Heart", but I have enjoyed re-living the past 9 1/2 years. They have been amazing! Here is a poem I wrote for my book.

You're not of my flesh, but still my own

Of this I can't deny

You came from another who carried you

Who would look at you and cry

Tears of sadness, tears of joy

Both intertwined into one

I'm proud of where you come from

Who you are and who you'll become

Although in my womb I didn't carry you

I carried you in my heart

And from this wonderful woman

Gave me a fresh new magical start

Such gratitude and love I feel

I may never fully express

But, this I promise to you today

I will give it all my very best

I'll love this child with all my might

I've waited for so long

To have a child to call my own

To whom I can belong

So trust me child when I say

My love will never die

You may not be of my flesh, but you're still my own

I'll give you wings to fly